Bald Men with Full Beards and Hairy Men with Goaties

Bald men with full beards. That's something I never understood. My first response is – uncle you are trying too hard. My second - gravity has lost direction. My third - dear lord in heaven, you are too ironic!

So why would you want to do that? To prove that you are still capable of producing hair?? Dude. We know it. Because I don't know if you guys have noticed - but naturally bald men seem to have unnatural hairy arms. It's not like I go stare at men's arms okay? It's just one of those things that you notice. You notice because it’s really such a cruel thing. Bald man with a moustache - I'll grant you that. Bald man with a razor-edged beard - I'll grant you that too – in fact that’s kinda cool. But a hairy face with a bald head - uncle, it just doesn't work...!

While we are on the subject, let me mention that I have always wanted to see a bearded man eat cotton candy. That would be fascinating! :P

Hey, I like the bald look okay? And it's not like I have beard phobia. A well-trimmed beard can be very attractive. But oh - not the goatie please!! Oh that dreadful very prussian cat fur goatie. I don't know why the human male species thinks hairy goaties are attractive. I don't know if they do it to draw attention to their lips or what! Aiyoh. No offense. But just ask a lady friend what she thinks of your frenchie and you won't dismiss what I am saying that easily. I know many guys honestly believe it looks great and a lot have it in their heads that it gives them a 'serious' and ‘respectable’ air. How many men do you know who became managers, put on a suit, and suddenly grew goaties? Lot's I bet.

And our South-Indian Shankar Mahadevans. Why ya, why are you feeding the chubby South-Indian guy with curly/rough/spiky hair stereotype? (you know the curly techie and spiky sales dude?). Why ya? We should have let the Northies continue with the "Aiyo Rama, ab maiy jaako idli sambar kaatha" mocks. Why you had to reveal the truth to them? I have to tell you -the day my brother shaved off his goatie, I was the happiest person. Now people don't look at our photos and ask me if the guy next to me was Shankar Mahadevan gone the Michael Jackson way!* And I also suddenly realized I had forgotten what his lips looked like! And I know for a fact that he had trouble at immigration! See what all the goatie can do to you?

The only goatie that works on a guy and actually looks kinda cool is the Leonardo DiCaprio and Johnny Depp one. If you can match that - well and good. Else please kindly let the baldies have those goaties.

Now that brings me to the next one. Balding men with goaties. Nothing so unattractive about it. I mean paapa, you should at least grant the balding guy that much no? But man - is that a stereotype from the Guinness book of stereotypes or what? The young-pushing-thirty balding business manager or the middle-aged paunchy company Director? A bald man with a sharp goatie is verrry nice. But a bald- ing guy. Hmmmm. Nothing much to say. Except that, that image reminds me of the totem coconut heads!

My apologies friends, uncles, brothers, cousins, and other male relations. But this the best way for me to tell you that while you can't do much about the hair on your head, please take care while carving that coconut!

* MJ cos he's on the fairer side.