Funny Bane - Aha. Ha.

" ... The torture ends. And it's almost like years have passed. You silently walk back and try and squeeze between two fat aunties so that you are invisible. And it works. The soft pudgy flesh of their arms grinds your cheeks as they talk...

Being funny is a demanding task. Especially if you are labeled the 'funny' one, and people wait for you to turn up and be 'funny'.

What. A humorous bone does not equate a clown suit okay? It's a nice thing though. It's endearing that people wait for you to give them their laughs.

But you know that scenario? When you enter a room and everyone gets all excited "Oh it is here, it is here!"? And then they will all look at you eagerly like a huge bunch of smiling beavers. Okay I don't know what beavers look like - but I imagine that's how they would look. All round-eyed with stretched smiles - with a slightly defrosting look about them. If you are a funny person, then you know what comes next. What comes next is that people suddenly stop their entire banter and eagerly beaverly gaze at you to add fuel to the funny flames. They are waiting. With such high expectations. They are waiting. READY to laugh. The laugh is right there. Crouched and poised, waiting for the gunshot. It doesn't matter what you utter - they expect it to be simply hilarious. And so they are waiting. And waiting. Imagine their eyes. All wide and round and poppy and poofed. Their teeth twinkling with saliva. Ants marching under their lips. The air is charged with expectation.

You look at their faces. You are not ready. And instead of fuel, you end up throwing in juice. Not fuel. Not water to douse it. But juice. Juice that turns the flames to wheezy smoke that makes everyone cough like they are forcing a laugh. Or in such cases - really forcing a laugh. Aha.ha.

Yes. If a normal laugh goes like "ahahahahaha". This will be

"aha." "ha".

Like a snort. Like the sound you might expect when a dull president attempts a joke.

And suddenly you are thrown back to the time when you were going through your super-awkward adolescent days. The period when they still think you are a kid. You don't think you are a kid. But you don't know what you are if not a kid. Then they have a big family gathering that's going boisterously well. But then suddenly your granny or uncle decides that people are having too much fun. So they call you to the center of the huge room to 'perform'. And then you are standing there. With cheeks on fire. Praying fervently that some genie will rescue you. But people who own you are grinning with glee. Or the worse scenario - when well-meaning mother hens are putting their Child Psychology training at work and trying to give you a "spot" in the event. Trying to "build confidence".

The Genie never turns up. You force your lips to move and keel with all emotion "baazigar O baazigar...." and watch those just-entered-college second/third cousins cringe Tom Cruise style. They might have brought a cute friend along. And in your head you are thinking "Billions of blistering Ambrish Puris". There in one corner two balding uncles with soda pop glasses would be nodding and bobbing their heads "good girl. good girl. very nice. very nice". And if there was someone like me. She would be tittering away in the background. While the mothers would glare to be quiet.

"Baazigar...Ooooo...baazigarrrr....tuhe bada-"

"aha. ha." comes the laugh.

You mumble a thankyou. The uncles and mother hens clap. The torture ends. And it's almost like years have passed. You silently walk back and try and squeeze between two fat aunties so that you are invisible. And it works. The soft pudgy flesh of their arms grinds your cheeks as they talk. There is a rumble. The talk gets animated, the grinding escalates, and you feel a heat. It's the Genie. You are happy. You can finally escape. You ask him to take you to the future. Skip all the coming years and take you to where you are an adult. At ease and chilled out in a big gathering. You are belle of the ball. The star MC on stage. People are hanging on to your every word.

Ahahahahahahaha.

.

Aha. Ha.