Raaga Kalyan of The Blue Caterpillar

She leaned forward and pressed her face to her window shield. Cloned tufts of clouds scatterred above - slightly curved ... a psychedelic reflection on the glass. The face curves in unision and it seemed like she was one with the sky. A slight dusk chill blew through the open windows - settling on one arm and slipping into her hair. The heater...

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Adult Diapers and Arab Smocks

...male cooks. That’s literally a hair-raising experience if any. Ugh, so hard to swallow down even a morsel when a hairy man in a half tied lungi serves you your poriyal. Can’t ward off the thought that one or more of the fibery strands in that curry are not of the french bean origin. You guys need adult diapers. Cos apparently you can’t...

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Death by Dung or Kohinoor?

.... and hey if you didn’t notice, you are driving to the tune of her hands yourself! This is the point where I wanna roll down that window and scream LADY JUST STUFF YOUR HANDS IN HIS PANTS AND BE DONE WITH IT ALREADY!! Now that I am back behind the wheel, the road is my video game, and I am winning it! Well, err, only sometimes. Every...

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D-RATTTTT!!!!

"There” I told her, “You can sleep now”. She nodded through troubled eyes and hugged her body tight. I mentally shook my head in a never mind. I felt so superior for being non-girly and somehow the brave one around. Even more so when the next morning, her friend came knocking. Through sleep-groggy states I ask him how I could help him. The...

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My Mummy’s Soft Soft Tummy

The womb is actually a drama queen. She hogs all the glory just because of those meager nine months that she goes to work. Yes, the womb may be a heroine – but the real Mother India my friends is the lady standing guard outside the chambers of the theatrical queen. It’s that lady always decked in layers of silky smooth….plump…satin, exuding...

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The Biryani Lech, His Pimp, And the Pimp’s Geishas

I met a biryani lech once. Ok I am lying. I’ve met him many times. Ok I am lying again. I have met many leches many times in my life. Actually I meet a biryani lech every other time I meet someone new.  So who’s the biryani lech you may ask?You.Yes. You. Don’t look left and right. I am talking to you, you salivating lech. You. Didn’t...

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Fraternity of the Diseased

Have you guys noticed how people tend to bond over diseases and ailments? It’s almost like a social convo savior. Like the moody weather or the bad traffic. In fact I think people find it far more exciting. Suddenly there is something concrete and interesting and serious to talk about. Just think about it. I am sure a lot of us have been...

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Narratives of the Food Casanova

A true food lover possesses a Shakespearean passion for food. A secretive hot and heavy relationship that sizzles in the dark of the night. Floats in the light of the day. And offers that entire mix of temptations, indulgences, and even a spiritual liberation when you just want to drop to your knees and prostrate to the almighty in fervent...

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Going Down Tone

People who have music in their souls can’t ever give it up. I feel all those auditioners who bray their souls on national television. I understand that intense burning desire to stand before a mike and let the world hear you. To feel the heat rushing out your nose like it’s funnelling through a high voltage hair dryer... I am constantly...

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Truth Upon Truth

There are two qualities that (if present in a person simultaneously) can be a recipe for disaster, comedy, and supreme embarrassment. Honesty and the urge to always be right. You will know people who walk around with these, or you yourself may be one. I am one such crack and trust me, there is no end to the troubles  I endure because...

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We Are Dog-Fearing People.

I am here to speak on behalf of the dog-fearing people. We are a neglected, oppressed, and suppressed lot. Nobody cares if we die of fang fright or go into permanent woof shock. There is no awareness and no concept of ‘dog-fear enabled’. The truth is that you know us. We are the people you love to hate. You know the ones who request you...

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Nude Awakening

Perhaps it is the apathy of people like me, who have the ability to speak out, that just makes it easier for idiots to randomly pronounce and proclaim so authoritatively about a community. And is it any wonder that over time, reiteration of skewed views by the media, slowly becomes the defacto opinion of the larger society? The newspaper...

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Kya ba so ba – Learning to speak south-indian urdu

Kya ba so ba. Ji. Ji. There. You mastered our language. :).I’d like to enlighten all the ill-enlightened Bangaloreans that the urdu you think is the urdu we speak is not the urdu we speak. The urdu you speak thinking it’s the urdu we speak is the urdu I like to call the “autowala urdu”. When we respond to you the same way you speak to us (like confident tannery road goondas), it’s because we are indulging you and having a laugh...

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Bald Men with Full Beards and Hairy Men with Goaties

Bald men with full beards. That's something I never understood. My first response is – uncle you are trying too hard. My second - gravity has lost direction. My third - dear lord in heaven, you are too ironic!So why would you want to do that? To prove that you are still capable of producing hair?? Dude. We know it. Because I don't know if...

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